Karma Police
by Sheeran Tomlinson
Summary: What if Cam's suicide wasn't planned? Oneshot. WARNING: Triggers self-harm and suicidal thoughts and tendencies. Rated M for certain details.


_**Karma Police**_

_Summary: What if Cam's suicide wasn't planned?_

_Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi even though I would be incredibly pleased with myself if I did. I also don't own Radiohead just in case…_

_A/N: I haven't written in a while and I was watching a fanvid on youtube (This one to be exact /watch?v=2qoX-NoHJ8) and I got an idea for this fic. Oh, and it was somewhat loosely based on the song karma police by radiohead hence the title and some of the quotations. This is also seriously short so it's really more of a drabble. I'm making a slow return to fanfiction, I think, so I hope you'll enjoy :)_

_**WARNING: SUICIDAL/SELF-HARM TRIGGERS DON'T READ IF YOU FIND THOSE TOPICS TRIGGERING.**_

_**"For a minute there, I lost myself."**_

Sitting in the greenhouse, Cam's breathing quickened. He scanned the space for something- anything really- that he could use. He needed to make it go away. The pain, the hurt, his stupidity; everything he'd been fighting back for months now.

His head hurt, his mind constantly repeating what Zig told him only minutes ago. "Psycho" He was crazy. He didn't deserve Maya. He didn't even deserve to be where he was. Cam had it great. He was on the Toronto Ice Hounds hockey team- headed for the NHL in a few years. He had it all. Plenty of girls who want him, a girl he loves, and an amazing career ahead of him. But the other boy's words kept coming up every time he tried to forget them; kept reminding him of all of the things he'd done wrong.

"If you cared about her, _at all_," He did care about her. More than he should, really. So that's why he needed to do it. He had to make himself suffer. Why should he keep putting Maya in danger? He was psychotic. What if she found out about it? "Eventually Maya's gonna see what I see." She'd be devastated. He couldn't break her like that. He couldn't bear to see her so unhappy. "You'd get out of her life, _**forever**_." He got out his phone and texted Maya. He couldn't talk to her now. She'd see right through him. So he pressed send and ended it.

He grabbed a little gardening tool, he guessed it was for pulling out roots or something, it was sharp. Sharp enough to do some damage. Holding it in his hand, Cam realized that he wasn't sure what exactly he was supposed to do with it. Cut his wrists? Isn't that what people did? Where else could he cut? "_**Forever**_." How deep? He didn't want to go too deep, but he wanted to feel it. _Cut vertically, they can't stitch that up. _But did he really want to die? Sure, it would be easier, but how would his little siblings take that? How would his mom, who he talked to only a few hours ago, happy as could be, handle it? His dad, even though he could be hard on him at times, he'd be a wreck. It would send the whole of Degrassi into a whirlpool. Besides, what kind of pathetic loser kills themselves in a greenhouse? He already promised Maya that he wasn't some weirdo that tries to hurt himself on purpose.

With a quick shake of his head, he pulled up his sleeves and held the tool to his left wrist. Taking a deep breath through clenched teeth, he shut his eyes as tightly as he could and dragged it slowly across his skin. He kept quiet, no one could see him like this. _Especially Maya_. He reached the end and wiped his tears. Re-positioning the blade, he prepared himself once more. Then, he pulled again. He watched this time because seeing it was even worse. The way his skin tore in two. The bright red blood seeping into his jeans and spreading across the floor. It scared him, the way it helped calm him down, no matter how much it hurt.

He dropped the tool, soaked now in his own blood, to the ground. His head was pounding harder now. "Psycho." "Eventually Maya's gonna see what I see." "If you cared about her, at all." "Get out of her life, forever." "**Forever**." It hurt more than his wrists now. "Stop crying in the hallway where everyone can see you." The emotions were surging inside him and he couldn't sit up straight any longer.

Maybe, for now, he could just rest; lie down on the concrete and sleep for a while. Maybe he'd feel better when he woke up. Maybe he'd wake up a brand new, rejuvenated, happy Campbell Saunders. Everything would go back to normal- he could even get Maya back. The new Cam won't be a psycho. He'll be the way he was. When he loved hockey, and he had so many friends, and he'd be in a place where Maya would love him and never think he was bad. He smiled before drifting off not even thinking about the pool of blood surrounding him. He was free to be the new Cam when he woke up. Maybe.

"_**I've given all I can it's not enough."**_

_**END**_


End file.
